Taking Candy from a Baby

As easy as taking candy from a baby, they say. Well I'm hear to tell you, I'd rather have my teeth drilled, be leeched, or get poked in the eye.

We had a busy morning--drop Daddy off at work, stop in for breakfast at Waffle House (where the 4 old ladies on staff proceeded to ignore the other patrons and stand at my daughter's every beck and call), get a wellness check-up, and pop in to Publix for a few items. Everything went very smoothly. First doctor's visit sans Daddy. We even had a late start on everything, with my husband's phone dying and us getting up at 7:30 (he's supposed to be AT WORK at 7:30). But no harm no foul. We were golden. She had no meltdowns, didn't even cry when they gave her a shot. We have a perfect baby. Everything was dandy. We came out of Publix, about to get in the car. And that's when it happened. That's when we met THE STRANGER.

Now, children, I'm sure your parents have always taught you to never talk to strangers. And don't ever double NEVER in a million years times a quadrillion...accept candy from a stranger.

But they don't happen to mention what to do when some seemingly sweet but oh so creepy lady gets out of her car, successfully blocking you from getting in yours, and digs in her purse while standing awkwardly in front of you until she produces a shiny wrapped candy bar and, without so much as asking your permission, promptly hands it over to your less-than-a-year old baby.

Our daughter had white bread for the first time this morning. The girl just doesn't eat junk. As my two previous posts probably make clear, we are quickly becoming a very health-conscious family, and I have never been more vigilant than when it comes to my daughter's diet. We're not totally organic everything, but we're pretty darn close. If she could count, she could count on one hand the times she's had processed food of any sort. I made her a cake for her dedication last fall, and I'll admit, I let her try some of it. She'll have a cake for her birthday in the spring, and she can eat to her heart's content. But my one rule is that I don't want for her to eat anything that has ingredients that I can't spell. She rarely eats anything I or a family member hasn't made from scratch by hand. That's just how we roll.

So for me to see a small nougat of processed sugar, tooth-rotting caramel, and potential-allergen-slash-choking-hazard peanuts...well all the psycho first time mom that I have successfully kept at bay began to surface. My daughter saw none of the sugary goodness, the melty messy chocolate, or the tooth-rotting abilities. All she saw was a small crinkly toy wrapped in bright shiny gold foil paper. She thought she had earned a new toy. We wait for the creepy lady to get out of our way, and I snugly buckle her into her seat, already debating how I can quickly and painlessly dispose of this monstrosity. All the signs of a happy & content baby are there--bright sparkling eyes, dimples in full swing, sporadically toothy grin. But I already have in my imagination the sad disappointed screaming baby that will surely appear in the next few minutes. I run around to my door, praying that the weird old lady will stay away and not try to baby-nap while I'm getting in the car. I slam my hand on the automatic locks--SAFE! I begin pulling out of the space, watching my daughter happily play with her "toy."

And then...I took the candy from the baby.

In retrospect, all the trepidation was for naught. She only cried for a minute or two until something else distracted her. However, I now have a new biggest fear. That someday, some weirdo stranger will produce a bigger, shinier, and at that point, tasty little morsel of candy from hell, and I won't be there to tell them to buzz off.

WHO GIVES A CANDY BAR TO A BABY?????